Jun 10
24
Less is More-Plus, Jesus Performs Magic
Today’s blog will be shorter than most of my other blogs. Shorter, not less important.
Miraculously, Moses is not even mentioned in this blog. Go figure.
READER #1: Right! Here he goes again. I’ve heard it all before.
I figure, if I’m writing about “Less is More” I’d better keep it brief.
CHORUS OF READERS: Fat chance! (The words reverberate through the crowd of Readers.)
It’s ironic I would tell my readers that “Less is More” when I can go on and on and on and on. Oh, I know it’s hard to believe, but I can be repetitive and redundant, continually repeating and reiterating, in a parrotlike fashion, a ceaseless, endless recurrent stream, or theme, of consciousness.
Although in my case, I guess you’d call it a “stream of ADHD-addled consciousness.
READER #1: What was he saying about being brief?
Neither is Shecky Greene.
Most people seem to say one thing and do another? I call it the Law of Reverse Digitology.
Some people are just hypocritical. Like Client Number 9, I mean, former NY Governor Elliott Spitzer who railed against pimps and prostitutes, then paid $10,000 for a Happy Ending. (Incidentally, the rumor that men pay prostitutes to sleep with them is untrue. Men pay the prostitutes so they’ll leave in the morning.)
Weighing in even more heavily on the Scale of Hypocracy is former Senator Larry Craig. Craig loudly and aggressively challenged equal rights for homosexuals in the halls of Congress, then trolled the nation’s restrooms looking for the blow dryer.
READER #2: There he goes again! (The Reader had heard it all before.)
READER #3: Yeah,” I thought he was going to discuss the Law of Reverse Digitology.
This brings me back to the Law of Reverse Digitology.
READER #4: How does he do that? (Wondering out loud.) He almost knows what were going to say before we say it.
The Law of Reverse Digitology is simple. When you point your finger at someone else, accusing them of a certain behavior, look at your hand. Three fingers are pointing back at you.
So often when a parent tells his/her child, “Don’t act that way,” it’s an incomplete sentence. Instead it should read, ”Don’t you act the way (that I act).
READER #5: OK, this is what drives me crazy about this blog. Goldenberg gives tells us one thing, then goes off on another topic. I mean, this guy doesn’t just have ADHD. His ADHD has ADHD!
READER #6: Maybe he’ll tell us about the other Important Universal Laws?” (Trying to make the best of the situation)
Maybe now would be a good time to tell you about other Important Universal Laws.
READER #7: It’s uncanny! It’s almost like he’s inside our brains! (He said in amazement. You can tell this because of the exclamation marks!)
Here are the 10 other Important Universal Laws:
The Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
The Law of Corporate Accountability: In any organization, there is one person who knows what’s going on. That person will be fired.
Simon’s Law of Drunkenness: You can’t fall off the floor.
The Law of Common Sense: Never accept a drink from an urologist.
The Law of Self-Sacrifice: When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
The Law of Committal: People are always available for work in the past tense.
The Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There is always one more bug.
The Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets.
The Law of Avoiding Oversell: When you’re putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.
The Law of Lost and Found: The best way to find something you lost is to lose something else, then go looking for it.
“I can’t always follow this blog,” said one dazed and confused reader.
“I know, me too. Goldenberg doesn’t exactly have a train of thought. It’s more like a train wreck.”
“Hah. I almost got whiplash one blog when Goldenberg careened off one topic and crashed into another.”
Today’s blog was supposed to be about “Less is More.” Then he says something about Christ.”
“Jesus.”
“What?”
“Jesus. Jesus Christ!”
“Jesus Christ what? I didn’t say anything wrong.”
” No, I just meant he was talking about Jesus. Something about Jesus doing magic tricks.”
“Shhh. Here he comes.”
Finally, I’d like to tell you how one of the world’s greatest poets mastered the art of “Less is More.”
“Now he’s back to one topic,” said a finally satisfied reader. “That’s my Goldenberg!”
And I’d also like to tell you about Jesus Christ.
“Woops. Spoke too soon!”
Heaven knows, Jesus was a religious person. But he was also a real comedian. No, I mean a real comedian. He used to play the Apollo with the Amazing Kreskin as his opening act. Not many people know that.
He’d also do magic tricks like walking on water. Turning water into wine. Pulling a rabbi out of a hat.”
“He made a mistake, he meant a rabbit, right? Jesus pulled a rabbit out of hat?
After all, any magician can pull a rabbit out of a hat. But pulling out a rabbi, I’m telling you, Jesus was a class act.
But I’m getting off the topic. This is really a story that dramatizes the oft heard philosophy, “Less is More.”
When Alfred Lord Tennyson, the great English poet, was only 16 years old he entered Cambridge University. In his sophomore year there, Tennyson took one of the University’s toughest courses. It was on comparative religions.
His final exam was a long, grueling, 6-hour essay exam with only one question on it.
Jesus at the Appollo Theatre. Kreskin was the opening act.
Tennyson’s professor handed out the exam booklets and announced the essay question.
“Jesus turned water into wine,” the professor said. “Please Explain how he did it.”
“You have six hours to answer that question as completely as possible. Begin now,” said the professor looking at his pocket watch.
Eleven students opened their exam booklets and began feverishly answering the question. The 12th student, Alfred Tennyson, sat there with his exam booklet as closed as his eyes.
“Five hours to go,” the professor announced about an hour later. Eleven students picked up speed and wrote faster than ever. Tennyson just sat there with his exam booklet still closed.
As every hour went by, the assembled students wrote so much, their hands hurt. Many of them filled up 2-3 exam booklets explaining how Jesus turned water into wine., Still, Tennyson just sat there, oblivious to his frenzied classmates, some of whom were buckling under the stress of the exam.
“Half a hour to go,” the professor announced. “Start to finish up, class.” He glanced over at Alfred Tennyson. He still hadn’t picked up his pencil.
“One minute to go,” the professor said, as he gave a cold hard stare to young Tennyson.
Finally, Tennyson opened his exam booklet for the first time.
“Thirty seconds, this is it.”
Tennyson picked up his pencil and started to write. There was barely enough time to write one sentence.
“Time’s up! Hand in your booklets.”
All 12 students, including Tennyson, handed in their exams.
When the grade were given out a week later, 11 of the students got from B minuses to B plusses. Only Tennyson aced the exam, getting an A for his efforts.
When asked how Christ turned water into wine, Tennyson’s one sentence reply was simply, “The water met its Master and blushed.”
Thanks for joining us for today’s adventure. We hope you’ll come back this Monday when we’ll publish whatever we can think of between now and then..
Renowned writer Jack Goldenberg is a prolific copywriter, creative marketing consultant and professional blogger of 10minutesofbrilliance.com
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