As a creative Copywriter, I have to know about a lot of things–businesses, lifestyles. emotions, pop culture, etc., the whole gamut of Life on Earth. One day I might be naming a new cosmetic and the next day I’m writing about yachts. So one day I bought a book on Zen. I figured if a bunch of Buddhists monks hired me to do some freelance work (hey, it could happen), I wanted to be able to talk their language (which, by the way, is Sanskrit).

All I really knew about Zen was that it was supposed to bring you inner peace. I remember being stressed that day, so I wasn’t even sure if I had time to fit inner peace into my schedule.

A lot of people think Zen is a religion. It’s not. Zen is a school of Buddhism that teaches enlightenment, the transcendental grasp of cosmic reality. Dumbed down, it’s your “Aha!” moment where the Universe reveals its innermost secrets.

I know some of those secrets. I really do. I just don’t understand them. Take the phrase “as above, so below.”  That simple phrase is meant to explain the mysteries of the Universe. That would be a handy thing to have, four words that explain, well, Almost Everything. And yet, the meaning of this all-important phrase has been lost and bastardized over time.

So I decided to Google “as above, so below” to get the skinny on what they phrase really meant. Guess how many times “as above, so below” appears in Google’s search results? At least on my browser.

STAN: Wild guess. 76 million, 500 thousand times?

No Stan, I wasn’t talking to you. I was asking my Readers. Give up, Readers? 76 million, 500 thousand times.

STAN: I was close.

You’d think with that many explanations, I should be able to grasp what “as above, so below” means. No such luck. If one of my Readers would step up to the plate and explain it to me, that would be a “mitvah.” And I do know what mitzvah means. It means good deed. Like when I used to visit my Aunt Mildred even though she was mean and nasty and accused my wife of stealing her pearls. That was a mitzvah. It was also a pain in the butt.

Actually, Aunt Mildred wasn’t only a pain in the butt, she often had a pain in the butt. She would always ask me to pick up two enemas and a pack of Marlboro’s. We were always afraid she’d get them mixed up. But I digress.

STAN: Hey, did I miss something? Goldenberg’s into his 6th or 7th  paragraph and I don’t think he’s cracked one joke.
HARRIETT: Jack doesn’t always try to be funny, Stan. He’s got a serious side, too. Sometimes he just wants to make a point.
STAN: Well, if he combed his hair, it wouldn’t show.
HARRIETT: Stan, how sophisticated of you! A joke that should have died a natural death in the second grade.
STAN: Thanks, Harriett.

Anyway, I figured I’d skim the important chapters of the Zen book and master inner peace in a few hours. Hah! The first sentence read: “Do not be surprised if you don’t master Zen in this lifetime.”

Two or more lifetimes? It might take me that long to master Zen. This was going to be a long afternoon.

OK, that obviously wasn’t going to work for me. At least, not the way I wanted it to. But wait. In an earlier blog about the I Ching, the oldest book in the world, I remembered reading:

“Seeded in all small things is the possibility of all great things. That is the meaning of ‘each thing contains the beginnings of it’s opposite.’ ”

Now I actually knew what that means. It means that, except for God, Everything changes. Nothing last forever. It also means that anything is possible, even the seemingly impossible. In other words, even though the Zen book said it could take several lifetimes to master the techniques of inner peace, it would also be possible to attain that wisdom in an instant.

Someone once asked a wise woman (that’s right a wise woman!), “How long does it take to get enlightenment?”

She replied, “It can take forever. Or you can have enlightenment in the twinkling of an eye.” Revelations tend to work that way. It’s a complete understanding that sort of washes over you in a nanosecond.

Enlightenment in the Fast Lane. That should sit well with most Americans who want everythingthisfast. “Enlightenment, sure I’d like a pound and a half of it. Can I get it To Go?”

Of course, if the Secrets of the Universe were reveled to you, it wouldn’t really matter anyway because you’d probably forget them from one moment to the next. I’ll prove it to you.

Here’s the essence of Zen. It’s called the Simplest and Most Zen Flowchart. If it appears somewhat humorous, that’s by design. If you really understood the ways of the Universe, you’d smile, too. It’s not knowing the Ways of the Universe that causes so much anxiety and strife.

The chart below is made up of two questions, four answers and 8 arrows. That’s it. It looks very simple and it is. Yet it reveals All. Follow it and you can eliminate 90% of the worry and anxiety that clogs your judgement and causes your ego to react inappropriately.

Now wouldn’t you want to eliminate 100% of your worry and anxiety? You need some strife and fear  just to stay alive. Like if you were alone, deep in the woods and you came across a big brown grizzly bear. Worry and anxiety could come in handy at that moment. Or else, you might be joining the bear for lunch. And you’d be the porridge.

Then again, if you ran away, and the bear started chasing you, you could be accused on “running through the woods with a bare behind.” But that’s just a joke for another day and another blog.

Getting back on point, here’s a graphic explanation of why, according to Zen teaching, there’s no need to worry.

Don't worry. Be happy.

It makes sense, right? But will you remember it when you’re faced with troubles? Well, maybe you will, now and Zen.

Jack Goldenberg puts his own unique spin on marketing, advertising, social media campaigns, and web site content. Whether you’re an advertising agency, a client company or an individual, Jack can help you stand out and get noticed.

If you’re interested in increasing the effectiveness of your advertising or social media marketing campaign, contact Jack Goldenberg, or call 973-590-7343. Einstein and da Vinci are standing by to take your call.

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