With suicide, murder, illness and yes, having to listen to Newt Gingrich again for another political season, it’s hard to imagine that you’re living in a Perfect World.
We do live in a perfect world. But damn, I know it sure doesn’t seem that way.
That’s probably because you forgot the Rules. The 10 Rules for Being Human.
Now, I want to state up front that I didn’t write the The 10 Rules for Being Human. I wish I wrote them. They were written by Cherie Carter-Scott from her book If Life is a Game, These are the Rules.
Well, let’s just say that Cherie Carter-Scott claims to have written The 10 Rules for Being Human. Personally, I think that’s just her pen name (mine’s Bic). I’m pretty sure the rules were written by some higher entity, possibly an Angel or even God Herself/Himself.
They’re just too close to the Actual Rules for Being Human that you knew before you’re born.
What? You don’t remember them. Of course not. That’s because just before you were born an angel kissed you on the head so you would forget them.
Stan: Harriett, did you hear what Goldenberg said? I think he’s turning into a religious zealot.
Harriett: Now, Stan, don’t be disrespectful.
Stan: This is supposed to be a blog about advertising, marketing, social networks, Facebook, Twitter…
Harriett: …and any other key words Goldenberg can stuff into a blog under Google’s nose.
Stan: I didn’t know Google had a nose.
Harriett: There’s a lot you don’t know, Stan.
Stan: I know. I mean, I don’t know.
Harriett: Quiet! I want to hear the Rules.
I’m sure you’ve heard the expression “You’ve gotta play by The Rules.” That’s close to the actual expression. But it’s not quite right. It should have been, “You’ve gotta LIVE by the Rules.”
Well, of course, most of us don’t live by the Rules. And that’s our greatest downfall. If you want to be One with the Universe, or, if that’s too heavy for you, if you want to be in tune with the times and happy in your present moment, then REMEMBER the RULES. And live, learn and love by them. And always remember another rule, “There is no Fight Club!”
The 10 Rules for Being Human
1. You will receive a body.
You may like it or hate it, but it’s the only thing you are sure to keep for the rest of your life. So take care of it. You’re not getting another.
2. You will learn lessons.
You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called “Life.” Each day in this school, you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or hate them, but you have designed them as part of your curriculum.
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.
Growth is a process of experimentation, a series of trials, errors and occasional victories. The failed experiments are as much as a part of the process as the experiments that work.
4. A lesson is repeated until learned.
Lessons will be repeated by you in various forms until you have learned them. When you have learned them, you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end.
There is no part of life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
6. “There” is no better than “here”.
When your “there” has become “here,” you will simply obtain another “there” that will look better to you than “here.”
7. Others are only mirrors of you.
You cannot love or hate something about another unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you.
You have all the tools and resources you need to succeed. What you do with them is up to you.
9. Your answers lie inside you.
The answers to Life’s questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all this.
You can remember any time you wish.
Harriett: Stan you’re crying.
Stan: I’m crying because that was so…beautiful.
Harriett: It was.
Stan: I kept waiting for the joke, the punchline.
Harriett: I’ll give you a punchline, Stan! How’d you like a nice Hawaiian punch?
Harriett gives Stan a Hawaiian punch and he goes flying off the blog.
Harriett has a sheepish look on her face. Then she runs off the blog too, searching for Stan.
An Extra 2 Minutes of Brilliance
In a bad economy like the one we’ve got now, every business cuts back. They give the customer a little less. And they charge a little more.
But not here at 10 Minutes of Brilliance! Nope, for the same price you’ve been paying for 10 Minutes, we’re going to give you 2 Minutes More. It’s our way of saying, “What the Hell ? You weren’t paying for it anyway!
And now, I’m proud to introduce a brand new series at 10 Minutes of Brilliance. It was requested by 54% our our readers. Introducing:
My Favorite Paraprosdokians!
Stan: What’s the Hell’s he talkin’ about?
A paraprosdokian is a sentence that ends in an unexpected way. For instance, “The car stopped on a dime, which unfortunately was in a pedestrian’s pocket.”
Comedian Grouch Marx loved to use paraprosdokians. He also loved to use women too, but that is a completely different story.
Three of his most famous paraprosdokians were:
“I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I’ll never know.”
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t one of them.”
“Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.”
Another well-know paraprosdokianist (oh, all right, that’s not a real word) was Bob Monkhouse who wrote:
“I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and terrified like the passengers in his car.”
“When I told them I was going to be a comedian, they laughed. No one is laughing now.”
Here are a few more my research assistant Robin was able to find:
“There are a bunch of different crunches which affect the abs. My favorite is Nestle.” Schmuel Breban
“I like going to the park and watching children run and jump around, because, you see, they don’t know I’m using blanks.” Emo Phillips
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” Groucho Marks
“It’s too bad whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.” Jack Handley
Here are a few more we couldn’t attribute. So for now, just figure I wrote them. If someone comes along to claim them, I’ll give them back.
The last thing I want to do it hurt you. But it’s on my list.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk is a workstation.
I asked God for a bike, but I know he doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they’ve trained humans to stand on the edge of their pool and throw them fish.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You need it to skydive twice.
I always take life with a grain if salt, plus a slice of lime and a shot of tequila.
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
We’ll that’s it for today. Stop by tomorrow and you will see the same thing. You think I can just pop out these brilliant blogs at Will? Or at You?
Thanks for reading. Leave a comment so I know you were here.