Trump Is Best President Ever. Moon Made of Green Cheese. Earth Is Flat.

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In a recent poll of Americans who can remember at least one branch of the US government, President Trump received a whopping  133% approval rating. The poll, taken by the Phew! Polling Research organization, named Donald Trump the Best US President EVER.

“I’m even a better president than Fake US Presidents George Washington, Abe Lincoln and Alec Baldwin,” tweeted a jubilant Donald Trump from the recently opened Kentucky Fried Chicken Wing of the Oval Office. Also, as far as we know, there was no truth to the rumor TRUMP wanted to appoint Col. Sanders to run the Veteran’s organization.

TRUMP aboard AIr Force once relaxing with a family-sized bucket of KFC.

TRUMP aboard Air Force once relaxing with a family-sized bucket of KFC. (TRUMP’s hands shown actual size.)

Then TRUMP tweeted: I’ve said many times I know more about the military than generals. I know more about the economy than economists. And I know more about porn stars and Playboy bunnies than any US President. Not counting Milliard Fillmore, of course. I think I met him once.

TRUMP: Hey, Kellyanne Conwoman, was that last tweet too long?
KELLYANNE: No problem, Mr. Best President Ever. We’ll just change the rules or deny you ever said it.
TRUMP: Can we do that, Kellyann?
KELLYANNE: Every day, Mr. Best President Ever. We do it every day. Sometimes hourly.
TRUMP reaches across the table and thrusts his tiny hand into the KFC bucket pulling out a chicken wing.
TRUMP:  You gonna eat this wing?

The English writer and essayist GK Chesterton once said, “The problem with most people is they understand everything too soon.” Sound familiar, Mr. Best President EVER!?

Check out this video of just a few of the things that the Best President EVER knows more about than anybody else in the world.

Other reasons why TRUMP has earned the Best President EVER title.

He’s a Job Maker.

White House insiders

Look at all the jobs he’s created just by firing White House insiders. And he’s just getting started

He’s a Hard Worker.

He didn’t just drain the swamp. He restocked it.

Betsy De Vos

Betsy DeVos, Secretary of Education, said she didn’t plan to visit under performing schools. She believes in school choice…for those who can afford it.

Scott Pruitt

Scott Pruitt, Secretary of the Environmental Protection Agency, has lowered pollution standards and done everything he can to wreak havoc on his own agency. Science be damned.

Ben Carson

Ben Carson, Secretary of Housing and Urban Development and winner of Gilbert Gottfried’s Blind Man’s Bluff Award, has scaled back fair housing enforcement.

 

He United America.

A United America is expected to send TRUMP a reply in 2018 and 2020.

He sticks to his guns and never gives up.

Even after proof that President Obama was born in Hawaii, Trump refused to give up his birther claims.

So far all those reasons and many more TRUMP is America’s Best President EVER!

And now, a guest blog post from my good friend, the soon-to-be ultra rich Jay Harrison. He just got a letter from some guy in Nigeria. Pretty soon, Jay will be a gazillionaire.

It’s From Nigeria, And It Could Make Me Rich

Got an email today that was very disturbing, from a Moses Odiaka. I don’t think I know him, in fact I’m sure I don’t know him, because he’s from Nigeria. I don’t know anyone from Nigeria, unless you count Bosh the exchange student that I met about 45 years ago. This Moses Odiaka seems to have done very well for himself, as he explains in the email that he works in the Credit and Accounts Department of Union Bank of Nigeria, PLC, in Lagos. Sounds like a very good job with a reputable firm, but then I don’t know much about Nigerian banking.

Nigerian prince

Jay’s Mom questions whether the Nigerian Letter might be a scam.

Anyway, the email was disturbing to me because, as Moses explains it, there was an engineer by the name of Manfred Becker who died in a plane crash during the time of the late General Sani Abacha. These are all new names to me, but who wants to learn of even a stranger’s death in an email?

According to Moses, Mr. Becker had an account with the Union Bank of Nigeria that at the time of his death contained $18.5 million. Now here’s the next disturbing news — no next of kin has come forward with the password to access the account. Can you believe that? Over $18 million is just sitting there.

So Moses has come up with an idea that is really brilliant when you think about it. Since Manfred Becker was a foreigner to Nigeria, Moses thinks that if another foreigner were to come forward to claim the money, the bank would find that perfectly normal under the circumstances. He has retrieved the password record from the bank’s vault and is currently holding that information in his possession.

The reason he emailed me, and you’re not going to believe this part, is that he needs someone, a foreigner, to come forward and claim the money. If a local made a claim for the money, the bank would know something was hinky. In exchange for me stepping forward to claim the money, Moses has assured me that I will get a cut of the $18 million.

Now before you get as excited as I did, keep in mind that he is the one who got the password and he is the one who has been monitoring the account. In other words, Moses has done most of the work, so I expect he will want most of the money. To be honest, I don’t have a real problem with that.

Nigerian Scam

Nigerian Scam

Moses is in Europe at the moment, but he gave me his phone number and two private email addresses so that I could get in touch with him. That’s when we will discuss how to split the money up. In the meantime, he needs my telephone number, my bank’s name, and account number, so that he can complete the application for transfer of the funds by wire from Manfred Becker’s account to mine.

As you can imagine then, I have gone from getting the most disturbing news to learning that I could be a millionaire. And the irony is that I don’t even know where Nigeria is on a map, but I’m beginning to think it’s a great country.

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept. Jay has also written a mystery novel, which therefore makes him a pre-published author. Today’s guest blog post and many others that look at life from a humorous perspective can be found at Jay’s online publication, Boomspeak.

Product Recommendations from 10 Minutes of Brilliance

These days it seems everybody is in the recommendation business. After all, there’s nothing like relying on strangers you’ve never met to make your own decisions. Here are 10 Minutes of Brilliance’s Recommended Products.

We recommend:

Arsenic

Yumm! Yumm! Arsenic wafers. So good, they’re to die for.

 

children and alcohol

Trix may be for kids, but so is alcohol. Raise your glasses and toast the younger set. Just remember not to drink and ride your tricycle.

radium

Like Wonder Bread, Radium builds strong bodies 12 ways. You’ll not only be growing, you’ll be glowing!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

less cancer causing

Better tasting Penis Reduction pills! Now that’s an improvement! But there’s more. They now have less cancer causing ingredients. What’s not to like?

 

Vaseline Goes down easily.

Vaseline goes down easily. No surprise there!

Asbestos

Oops.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Butter claimed they lubricated veins and arteries. Well, yeah, until science came along.

STAN: That Jack Goldenberg is a real genius. And what a great writer. I love his blog. He’s so brilliant!
HARRIET: Stan, you hate Jack. And you’ve said such terrible things about him over the years.
STAN: Yeah, like what?
HARRIET: You said Jack was stupid, boring, that he smelled bad and that he couldn’t shut up.
STAN: Fake News, Harriet.
HARRIET: You said he wasn’t really a has-been. He was more like a never-was.
STAN: Don’t remember saying that.
HARRIET: And in the 10 years since you’ve been on this blog, you’ve never gotten his name right. Not once! You called him Goldman, Goldenwasser, Golberg, Goldenflosse. Even GoldenMalarky!
STAN: Can’t recall saying those things, either, Harriett. You sure you don’t have me confused with some other imaginary character?
HARRIET: Imaginary? I thought you always said you were real.
STAN: Don’t be so naive, Harriett. Of course, I’m imaginary. Jack writes everything I say.
HARRIET: Stan, are you sure you’re feeling alright? You’ve spent years interrupting Jack’s train of thought and trashing him and his blog. Now all of a sudden, he’s real, you’re imaginary and Jack’s some kind of brilliant blog writer. Would you care to explain yourself?
STAN: I would, Harriett. I would. There’s a simple explanation for everything I’ve said.
HARRIET: I’m waiting.
STAN: April Fools, Harriett. April Fools. I’m real, Goldman’s not and he’s still a lousy writer.
HARRIET: Well, I’m glad you’re back to abnormal.
STAN: Me, too, Harriett. Me,. too,
HARRIET: Now say goodnight Stan.
STAN: Goodnight Stan. See you soon. The next time Jack writes a blog we’ll be back for another fun edition of Ozzie and Harriett.
HARRIET: That’s Stan and Harriett.
STAN: Whatever.

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