It’s been over seven months since I posted a blog. A family health crisis had an opening for Florence Nightengale and I was the most qualified for the role. Things are much improved, so I’m proud to announce:
THE BLOG IS BACK!
STAN: Oh no Harriet! Run for the hills! Man and woman the lifeboats!
HARRIET: Stan, what the hell are you talking about?
STAN: Didn’t you hear? THE BLOB IS BACK!
HARRIET: The BLOB?
STAN: Yes, that strange gelatinous monster that eats the flesh of every living creature in its path.
HARRIET: You mean, Chris Christie?
STAN: No, no, the 1950’s horror film!
HARRIET: You sure you didn’t mean Chris Christie?
STAN: Didn’t you hear what Goldman said, Harriet?
HARRIET: Goldman? His name is Goldenberg, Stan.
STAN: His name is Goldenberg Stan?
HARRIET: No. No. Stan. Damn, if the Universe ever finds out how stupid you are, it’s going to start over.
STAN: I’ll take that as a compliment.
HARRIET: (Sarcastically) Well, that was just how I meant it.
HARRIET: Stan, you know Jack Goldenberg writes this blog. You’ve been on it for 10 years.
STAN: Whatever. Goldenberg. Rubenstein. All I’m sayin’ in that Goldman said, “THE BLOB IS BACK!”
HARRIET: No, Stan, not the Blob is back. The Blog is is back. Jack’s finally re-launching his BLOG, 10 Minutes of Brilliance. It’s been in hiatus for 6 months.
STAN: Hiatus? Oohh. Sounds painful.
HARRIET: Stan, you are the biggest ignoramus I know!
STAN: Compliment number two! Thanks, Harriet.
HARRIET: Let’s cool it for a while, Stan. We’ll let Jack continue. I could use 10 minutes of silence…from you.
Where was I? Oh yeah, it’s good to be back. Today’s blog will cover:
1. 7 Facts about Google You Won’t Have to Google to Find Out
2. Spike Lee and the Actors Hall of Fame Involved in the Best Comeback of the Year (So far.)
3. A Recent Live Interview with Eleanor Roosevelt
4. Favorite Signs of All Times (So far.)
5. Weenies Makes The World’s Best 3 a.m. Milkshake
6. Bohemian Rhapsody Parody of Social Media
Google This? You Won’t Have To.
7 Facts about Google You Won’t Have to Google to Find Out.
1. Every day, 16% of all Google searches are questions nobody ever asked.
2. Google’s original name was BackRub. Larry Page and Sergey Brin, Google’s founders, were going to name their search engine BackRub because it counted backlinks as one of the important factors affecting Page Rank.
3. About 20 years ago, Page and Brin tried to sell Google to the search engine Excite for one million dollars. Excite turned them down.Today Google’s parent company, Alphabet, is worth $739 billion. How much is Excite worth now? About a buck, three eighty.
4. People are dying to work at Google. When a Google employee dies, their spouses receive half pay from the company for the next 10 years and their children receive $1000 a month until they turn 19.
5. By 2020, Google will have scanned all existing 129 million books.
6. While Google uses satellites and cars for their world famous Satellite and Street Views, they use a decidedly low-tech approach to gather information in less accessible locals. At Liwa Oasis, a desert near Abu Dhabi, Google’s famous Trekker camera was secured on the back of a camel. Her name is Raffia.
7. Google earns $20 billion a year from advertising. That’s more than the prime time revenues of CBS, NBC, ABC, and Fox combined.
(Credits:Thanks to my good friend Creative Director and Graphic Designer, Yuri Gridniev, who pays it forward often by sharing so much of his knowledge of all things digital.)
Spike Lee and The Actors Hall of Fame Involved in the Best Comeback of the Year (Well, so far.)
Unlike me, my wife doesn’t like to be in front of the public. So for the purpose of this blog, I’ll just call my wife Margaret. I chose that name because that’s her name, Margaret. Anyway I’ll call her Margo, so maybe you’ll forget her real name..
STAN: Is this blog going nowhere or am I just the biggest fool in the world?
HARRIET: Well, Stan, that’s a two-part question, so I’ll just say Yes. And Yes. But bear with Jack, Stan. Sometimes, his ADD kicks in and we’re in for a wild roller coaster ride where serotonin reigns supreme.
Where was I? Oh, yeah. So I showed my wife Margo a picture of my friend Rusty Citron, Founder and President of the Actors Hall of Fame, with Spike Lee and she said, “Wow. I’m so impressed.”
I told Rusty that Margo was impressed when she saw the photo and he said, “Yeah? So was Spike!“
#HERTOO A Recent Live Interview with Eleanor Roosevelt
My good friend, Graphic Designer and Writer Jay Harrison, wanted to Facetime Eleanor Roosevelt on her iPad recently, but that approach proved problematic. It seems the 32nd President’s wife died November ’62 and the iPad wasn’t invented until January 2010. Still, Harrison was undaunted, or, as the French say, “sans daunt.” He decided to catch up with the former first lady outside an Apple Store in Manhattan.
Here’s that impromptu interview. (Eleanor’s comments appear in bold type. Jay is the one in the frilly hat.)
I bumped into Eleanor Roosevelt the other day outside the Apple store. It looked like she was carrying the new iPad. No surprise there – the lady has a knack for connecting with people and texts and emails are great tools for that.
Elly, how goes it? What’s your take on #metoo and #timesup?
The battle for the individual rights of women is one of long standing and none of us should countenance anything which undermines it.
Amen to that sister. But do you think women can sustain the movement?
A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
But the personal attacks that some women have experienced…
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
You certainly demonstrated that a first lady could have great influence.
As for accomplishments, I just did what I had to do as things came along.
Sure, I can see that but you risked a lot when you spoke out about injustice, civil rights and the plight of the poor.
Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.
Does it pain you to see what the political climate is now in America?
Sometimes I wonder if we shall ever grow up in our politics and say definite things which mean something, or whether we shall always go on using generalities to which everyone can subscribe, and which mean very little.
A lot of people are discouraged by our present polarization and want to opt out or disengage.
Life must be lived and curiosity kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life.
How do you stay so upbeat? Everyone wants to be happy but we don’t know how to get there.
Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product.
It seems like everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame now, to go viral on the Internet, to be recognized for something, anything. Do you see the downside to it all?
I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
Funny. I’ve got to run but what’s the biggest lesson you learned from your experience?
I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.
(Jay Harrison’s mystery novel, Head Above Water, is available on Amazon and Kindle.)
Favorite Signs of All Times (So far.)
As a writer I can’t help but notice the written word. This blog is made up of many of them.
STAN: Too many, if you asked me.
HARRIET: No one asked you.
So here are my Top 5 Favorite Signs of all Times. So far.
5. Sorry, We’re Open.
4. CROOK FOR CONGRESS
3. Hey Texans, Free Hats!
You’ll forgive me for not showing a photograph of this world-class graffiti, “Hey Texans, Free Hats!, but in today’s world it’s not advisable to take photographs in a men’s restroom. Or a woman’s, of course. I saw this message in the men’s restroom at the Vince Lombardi rest stop on I-95, outside of NYC.. Someone scribbled it on the paper toilet seat dispenser.
Hey Texans, Free Hats!
2. The driver of this truck is NOT Sober.!
One day I was driving around Ballmer Merlin (aka Baltimore, Maryland) and I saw a sign on the back of an appliance repair truck that said:
The driver of this truck is not sober!
I thought that was dangerous and stupid. What if they got into an accident?
My fears were relieved when I saw the truck was owned by the Mort Sober, for the Sober Appliance Repair Company. And, as far, as I can tell, Sober wasn’t driving the truck.
1. Not just another CHRIST IS COMING sign
One Sunday, I passed by a small church in Black Rock, Maryland and they had a sign board outside the church that was similar to the ones on thousands of other churches across the country. It said, “Christ is coming! Only this one was a little different because someone had broken into the church sign board and, in block letter type, added additional information. So now the sign read:
CHRIST IS COMING!
Tell him to bring coffee!
Weenies Makes World’s Best 3 a.m. Milkshake and Their Elvis Shake is “All Shook Up!”
This next blog post isn’t for everyone. If you don’t live in NJ, you might as well stop reading now. As the police say to the crowd gathered at a murder scene,”Go on. Move along. There’s nothing for you to see here.”
However, if you love milkshakes and if it’s 2 o’clock in the morning (or later), your late night snack cravings have met their match at a New Jersey hot dog joint named Weenies. Weenies has three great things going for it: phenomenally unusual and tasty hot dogs, creamy, delicious milk shakes and the fact Weenies is open until 3 a.m. Late Night Owls can even have their orders delivered.
Let’s start with the shakes. Now I’m a traditionalist. My two favorite milk shake flavors are chocolate. And chocolate. Weenies shakes up the milkshake industry with flavors like Blue Cotton Candy, Strawberry Mojito, Maple Bacon, Frosted Flake, Chocolate Pretzel and Elvis. Don’t worry Elvis doesn’t taste like the legendary rock ‘n roller, just his namesake favorite sandwich, Peanut Butter and Bananas.
In fact, I’d venture to say that based on three tests at or near 3 a.m., Weenies has the Best 3 a.m. Milkshakes in the World.
Weenies shakes pair quite well with heir traditional and more exotic hot dogs like the Hey Dude Dog (pulled pork, crushed Doritos and ranch dressing) and the Maple Bacon Kraut Dog. And with 30 different kinds of hot dogs, you can live the life of their slogan all month long because ” Every day has its dog!“
Bohemian Rhapsody Social Media Parody
I don’t usually post YouTube videos here, but this Bohemian Rhapsody parody by Dustin and Genevieve is so brilliant, I thought it would be a fitting close to my blog. If you love Freddy Mercury or Queen, Dustin is spot on. His message is perfect for our two warring political parties who use social media to tear each other apart.
The message is simple:
We should love each other
Though we disagree
Your opinion matters
Especially when it sounds
Just like me.
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STAN: That’s it?
HARRIET: What do you mean?
STAN: I didn’t get to say hardly anything. The blog was all about Goldberg’s ideas..
HARRIET: Well, Stan, you do remember you’re not real?
STAN: Am too.
HARRIET: No, Stan, no. You’re just a figment of Jack’s imagination. He writes everything you say.
STAN: Yeah, well if I’m not real, how about two years ago when we had imaginary sex? On the blog?
HARRIET: Stan, I’m trying not to imagine that. Now say Goodnight, Stan and let Jack finish his blog post.
STAN: Goodnight, Stan and let Jack finish his blog post.
HARRIET: That’s better. Goodnight Readers. Please stay for the closing act.