Don’t Miss: 1. The Shocking Truth About Kellogg’s Corn Flakes 2. Do These Leased Jeans Make Me Look Fat? 3. The Importance of Brevity. 4. Computers: Female or Male? 5. Goldenberg Reveals How He Maintains his Youthful Looks. 6. For Sale: John Lennon’s To Do List. 

The Shocking Truth About Kellogg’s Corn Flakes

SPOILER ALERT: You may never eat Corn Flakes again!

Wheaties is known as “The Breakfast of Champions.” Lucky Charms is supposedly “magically delicious.” And then there’s Trix cereal’s slogan, “Silly Rabbit. Trix are for kids.” Good thing they didn’t use the scientific name for rabbits. “Silly Oryctolagus cuniculus. Trix are for kids!”

But if John Harvey Kellogg had to choose a slogan when he invented Corn Flakes in 1894, there’s a good chance he might have chosen:

                  “Wanna have sex tonight?”   “No thanks. I’m having Corn Flakes.”

At the time he invented Corn Flakes, John Harvey Kellogg was an accomplished doctor, inventor, author, nutritional expert, health advocate and businessman (All good, so far.). But he also was an anti-masturbation activist (Go ahead. Just try to find that job title on LinkedIn.) 

Now if you’re a new Reader of 10 Minutes of Brilliance you might think this is a joke. It’s not. The inventor of the world’s most famous breaKfast cereal, John Harvey Kellogg, was a devout member of the Seventh Day Adventists Church and he believed that “sexual intimacy belongs only within the marital relationship.”

So, he invented Kellogg’s Corn Flakes to curb sexual impulses and suppress the passion of that generation. John Harvey Kellogg believed sex and half-sex (you didn’t think I was going to use that word in my blog twice did you?) were unhealthy and abnormal. And he thought that meat and spicy food increased sexual desire, but that passion could be lessened by eating a tasteless food for breakfast. Wow. He could have invented Pop Tarts.

Now that you know the Shocking Truth behind Kellogg’s Corn Flakes, what are you going to have for breakfast tomorrow? Me, I’m having Komodo Dragon Chili and Five alarm-Carolina Reaper. They’re important parts of a balanced breakfast.

HARRIET: Stan, why are you throwing away those boxes of Corn Flakes?
STAN: I’m ah… It’s ah… Oh, no reason.

Do These Leased Jeans Make Me Look Fat?

Denim fabric is used in the 4½ billion jeans made every year. Denim was invented in Genoa, Italy in the 1500’s as a fabric for the Italian Navy to wear while on duty. Although the Italians were the first to make it, denim came from a French city called Nimes. “De Nimes” means “from Nimes.” That’s where the ubiquitous fabric denim got its name. 

STAN: Hmm… Denim is French word? I didn’t know that.
HARRIET: Stan, You’re not even real! You’re just a character Jack invented for the blog. You pretty much don’t know anything except what Jack tells you.
STAN: I don’t know about that.
HARRIET: Exactly. I rest my case.
STAN: Where?

And just in case you haven’t already learned enough today, the term “jeans” comes from the word “Genes” which is the French word for the city of Genoa. Won’t your Mom be proud you learned something new today? 

Most people credit Levi Straus with making the first pair of jeans in America, but like so much of American folklore, that’s not the whole story.

Levis Strauss moved to America from Germany in 1851 to join his brother in the dry goods business. Two years later, in 1853, Strauss heard about the Gold Rush and decided to open a western branch of his brother’s dry goods business. He figured with all the prospective miners rushing to San Francisco, he could build a lucrative business by selling them clothes made out of cotton, the most popular fabric of the day. Twenty years later. Levi Strauss and his eventual partner finally patented Levi Jeans

STAN: Was cotton really the most popular fabric back then.
HARRIET: I don’t know, Stan. Maybe.
STAN: Well, Jeff said it was.
HARRIET: Not Jeff, Stan. Jack.
STAN: Whatever. Well, Jerry wouldn’t just make up something like that would he?
HARRTIET: Sure he would. Sometimes Jerry, I mean Jack, gets to the end of a sentence and he just needs something to fill it in. So, he’ll embellish a little. But the stories he tells are essentially true.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the story of denim jeans. One day a customer of Levis Strauss, Jacob Davis, a tailor from Nevada, ordered a pair of sturdy pants that could withstand the hard work miners faced. So Davis bought some denim from Levi Strauss & Co and made them stronger by placing copper rivets at the places on pants that rip the most: pockets and flies. When he wanted to patent the jeans, he wrote to Levi Strauss, and they became partners. Eventually they opened a bigger factory, and that is how jeans were born.

HARRIET: Why are you frowning now, Stan? Aren’t you interested in learning about where jeans came from?
STAN: Oh yeah, I’ve always been interested in genealogy. But I still don’t understand Goldman’s headline about “Leased jeans.” Goldfarb’s a liar. You can’t rent jeans. 
HARRIET: Actually, you can.
STAN: How do you know that?
HARRIET: Jack sent me an advance copy of today’s blog.

And in case you’re wondering about the headline, “Do I look fat in my leased jeans?,” there is a company in the Netherlands, Mud Jeans, that rents jeans for 7.50 Euros a month (about $8.21/month). You rent them yearly, then you can trade them in for the same fee the next year. Then Mud Jeans sells your old jeans as vintage clothing or they recycle the fabric to make new jeans.

That may not seem like such a good deal for you, but you’ll be surprised how good it is for the environment. It takes about 1,800 gallons of water to make the cotten in one pair of jeans and another 8 gollons of water to finish the denim.

The Importance of Brevity: Less Is More. More Is Less.

I’ve written at length on the importance of brevity. And yes, I know how strange that sounds.

But in writing, as in life, Less is More and More is Less. Shakespeare may have been to first to note the discrepancy between Less and More when a character in Hamlet, Queen Gertrude, said, “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”

In other words, methinks, if a person says something simply, she or he might be believed. But when you go on and on about something, one’s sincerity is doubted. You know, like when President Trump deviates from the copy on the teleprompter to present his own version of science.

As Readers of my blog will attest, I’m not always known for my brevity.

STAN: You can say that again.

As Readers of my blog will attest…

STAN: Al right. All right. You didn’t really have to repeat yourself. It was just an idiotic expression.

It certainly was. Where was I? Oh, yeah, although I may not always follow my own rules, I am a fan of brevity.

STAN: You couldda fooled me.
HARRIET: Stan, a rhesus monkey could fool you.
STAN: Don’t you mean a dufus monkey?
HARRIET: Yeah, him too.

My Favorite Poem, in Brief

One on my favorite poems was written by friend and former girlfriend (she may dispute that), Sally Cheek . And yes, that was her REAL name.. The poem was about how little human potential we use. Here’s the poem in it’s (brief) entirety:

“What a pity for winged creatures to die on the ground.”  Sally Cheek

My Favorite Graffiti, in Brief

My favorite graffiti was only 4 words. It was written above the paper toilet seat dispensing machine in a restroom at the Vince Lombardy Rest Stop outside New York City.  It said simply:

“Hey, Texans. Free hats!”

My Favorite Story, in Brief

No one exemplifies brevity better than the British poet, Alfred Lord Tennyson

The story takes place when the nineteenth century when Victorian poet, Alfred Lord Tennyson was only 16 years old. Tennyson was in his sophomore year at Cambridge University and he was taking one of the University’s toughest courses, Comparative Religions. His final exam was a long, grueling affair, a 6-hour essay exam with only one question:

“How did Jesus turn water into wine?

“Please explain in detail how he did it,” said his professor. You have six hours to answer that question as completely as possible. Use your time wisely.” 

Eleven students opened their exam booklets and began feverishly answering the question. The 12th student, Alfred Tennyson, sat there with his exam booklet closed.

“Five hours to go,” the professor announced about an hour into the test. “Keep writing.” Eleven of the students picked up speed and wrote faster and faster. Tennyson just sat there with his exam booklet closed.

As every hour went by, the students wrote so much, their hands hurt. Many of them filled up 3 or 4 exam booklets. Still, Tennyson hadn’t budged..

“One half an hour to go,” the professor announced. He glanced over at Alfred Tennyson who still hadn’t picked up his pencil. The professor couldn’t understand why Tennyson hadn’t written anything in his exam booklet. He was supposed to be a brilliant student. 

“One minute to go,” said the professor, as he gave a cold, hard stare to young Tennyson. Finally, Tennyson picked up his pencil and started to write. He barely had enough time to write one sentence.

“Time’s up! Hand in your booklets,” the professor admonished his class. All 12 students, including Tennyson, handed in their exams. When the grades were given out a few days later, most of Tennyson’s classmates earned a B or a B minus. Only one student, Alfred Tennyson, aced the exam, and got an A for his efforts.

When he was asked how to explain the miracle of how Christ turned water into wine, Tennyson’s reply was simply, “The water met its Master and blushed.”

 Are Computer Female or Male?

Recently a professor asked his class whether computers were female or male. He divided his class in half, male and female. Here were their responses:

According to Men, Computers Are Female
1. No one but their creator can understand their internal logic.
2. The language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck to accessorize it.

Women Corrected Men, Concluding Computers are Masculine:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but still can’t think for themselves.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have upgraded to a better model.

Jack Goldenberg Reveals the Secret to his Youthful Looks

 

For Sale: John Lennon’s Handwritten Written To-do List

I admit it. I’m fascinated by the to-do lists of famous people? What do people who have the money and power to have whatever they want really want? So ,when a member of my Research Staff (his name is Google) showed me John Lennon’s handwritten to-do list, I thought it would be an interesting subject for the blog. 

Not every to-do list from celebrities is that illuminating, Johnny Cash’s To-do List is relatively mundane. This would include his reminders to 4. cough, 5. pea and 6. eat. Still, I was intrigued by his reminder to 2. Kiss June (his wife), and also remember to 3. Not kiss anyone else.

Johnny Cash’s To-do List

The opening bid for Lennon’s To-Do list was $3,000 and it was expected to sell for as much as $5,000. But in 2011, when the memorabilia auction house Gotta Have Rock and Roll banged their final gavel, the list fetched $16,696. Not a bad price to pay for the Beatles singer/songwriter’s list when you consider that one of Lennon’s teeth was sold at auction for $32,000 and his iconic sunglasses brought in $183,000.

But what’s even more interesting than the price paid for Lennon’s handwritten to-do list is what the Beatles superstar had on his list, like waiting for the HBO guy and, “Ask Steve D for ‘herbs’ for his cat.” “Herbs?” “Cat?” Was that code or catnip?
 

What does John Lennon want? 

Before I go any further…

STAN: I wish Goldenheim would go further. Like Borneo.
HARRIET: All right, Stan, stop interrupting.

Before I go any further, I need to clarify that while handwriting experts have authenticated that Lennon’s to-do list was written by the Fab Four singer, Lennon did not not actually carry out the list. He wrote it for his assistant, Fred Seaman, to carry out.

What a shame. It would have been so much more fun to imagine Lennon waiting at home for the HBO guy and going to the store to buy marmalade. Apparently, he did want his assistant to tell the HBO guy, “The other guy didn’t know what was wrong.” Like the rest of us, he put something in all caps to say it was important, even if he did turn it into a question: “Would it be a good idea to make sure BOTH CARS have full GAS TANKS?”

And while I can’t prove it, when he asked his assistant to, “Tell me about my hair dryer,” several possibly questionable sources said Lennon was afraid his hair dryer could cause cancer.

John Lennon’s To-do List

He probably wanted the marmalade so someone could make his favorite sandwich, jam bunnies.

Lots of other celebrities have revealing to-do lists. If this something that you’re interested in, let me know and I’ll dig up some more.

Well, that’s all for today, brilliant Readers. As alway, thanks for coming by and hanging in there. If you’re a first time Reader, I hope you’ll sign up for it at the top right. Now, say “Goodbye, Stan.”

STAN: Goodbye, Stan. Hey, Harriet. Wanna have sex?
HARRIT: No thanks, Stan. I’m having Corn Flakes.