An Up-Close and Personal Interview with the Supreme Arbiter of Nature–Featuring 21 Simple Things Humans Can Do to Help Reverse Climate Change 

INT: I know you’re busy. Thanks for the Interview. May I call you Mother Nature?
MOTHER NATURE: You can call me Mother Nature, Mother Earth, or Gaia. Just don’t call me late for the cataclysmic destruction of the planet!
INT: That sounds like a joke, Mother Nature. I didn’t know you had a sense of humor.
MOTHER NATURE: Really? Have you ever seen a Blobfish?  Or a Proboscis Monkey?

The Blobfish inhabits deep waters off the coasts of mainland Australia and Tasmania.

The Blobfish inhabits deep waters off the coasts of mainland Australia and Tasmania. The Blobfish is spineless. But you’d probably be spineless, too, if you looked like that.

Mother Nature probably created the Probiscus Monkey so the blowfish wouldn't feelhee was the ugliest creature on the planet. They are native to the southeast Asian island of Borneo and  they're is found mostly in mangrove forests and late-night strip clubs nursing beer,

Mother Nature probably created the Proboscis Monkey so the Blobfish wouldn’t feel so bad. Proboscis Monkeys are native to the southeast Asian island of Borneo and they’re found mostly in mangrove forests and in late-night strip clubs nursing a beer.

INT: Today is Earth Day. It’s also your birthday. If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you?
MOTEHR NATURE: Four and one half billion years.
INT: Well, you don’t look it.

Tulips in Keukenhof Park in the Netherlands.

A few weeks before her 4.5 billionth birthday, Mother Nature posed for this photo taken at the Netherlands’ Keukenhof Park by famed landscape photographer Albert Dros.

MOTHER NATURE: Thanks. I feel it! My air’s polluted. My oceans bloated. I’ve had terrible hot spells. And I think I’m losing my species.
INT: Sounds like you’re going through the Change.
MOTHER NATURE: Yup. Climate change. You heard of it?
INT: Everybody’s heard of it.
MOTHER NATURE:  Yeah, but not enough humans are doing a DAMN thing about it!!!
INT: You seem a little angry.
MOTHER NATURE: I’m not angry. I’m CATACLYSMIC! Don’t get me wrong…
INT: (Interrupting) Oh no, I wouldn’t want to do that.
MOTHER NATURE: You’d be furious, too, if you created the most perfectly balanced ecosystem the world has ever known and the last species you created was on a crash course to destroy it.
INT: So, you’re blaming humans.
MOTHER NATURE: Mother Nature never blames. Let’s just say, I’m updating the facts. Ninety seven percent of climate scientists agree. Humans caused global warming.
INT: But haven’t climates changes happened throughout Earth’s history?
MOTHER NATURE: Sure. Seven times in last 650,000 years. But now things are different.
INT: How so?
MOTHER NATURE: Climate changes have occurred more recently at an alarming and unprecedented rate.
INT: Do you regret creating humans?
MOTHER NATURE: Of course not. Humans have had amazing achievements.
INT: Like what?
MOTHERR NATURE: The wheel. Penicillin. Discovering DNA. And the light-up Frisbee, to name a few.

The Wheel

The wheel, invented by Bob, February 17, 3504 BC

DNA is one of the greatest discoveries in human history.

The Light-Up Frisbee

Another one of mankind’s greatest achievements, the L.E.D. Light-up Frisbee

Penicillian

This discovery of penicillin led to the introduction of antibiotics that greatly reduced the number of deaths from infection. ..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

INT: And human failures?
MOTHER NATURE: Wars. Fascism. And I have no idea what humans see in the musical Cats. I much prefer Singin’ in The Rain.
INT: Not surprising.
MOTHER NATURE: Look, for billions of years the Earth has been in a perfect equilibrium.
INT: Explain that, please

In Earth's perfectly balanced ecosystem, everything depends on everything else.

In Earth’s perfectly balanced ecosystem, everything depends on everything else for survival..

MOTHER NATURE: Every living thing on Earth, plants and animals, is interconnected. Everything, From the smallest microbe to the blue whale. Everything depends on everything else for survival.
INT: So far, so good.
Mother Nature: Remove one thing from the food chain and it upsets the entire system. Pretty soon species are disappearing. 
INT: Can you name a few?
Mother Nature: Sure. The Adelie Penguin.The Golden Toad. North American Cod. and The Orange-spotted filefish. All Extinct. Gone. Forever.
INT: What’s an Orange-spotted filefish?
MOTHER NATURE: I have no idea. I’ll check with Father Time. He keeps track of these things. The point is that because of climate change, a million more species are threatened with extinction. And Man is threatened, too. We need to ensure restoring nature is put at the heart of all decisions we make in our everyday human lives.
INT: You mind if we stop for a second? I’m parched. I need some water.
MOTHER: Sure.
ALL OF A SUDDEN, IT STARTS TO RAIN, BUT JUST AROUND THE INTERVIEWER. HE OPENS HIS MOUTH, GULPS SOME WATER, AND CONTINUES.
INT: Thanks. I needed that.
MOTHER NATURE: No problem, Do you know how many people don’t have clean drinking water in 2021? Twenty-four billion. And it’s going to get worse. Unless humans do something about it.
INT: Well, today is Earth Day

Earthday

Earth Day, April 22, 2021

MOTHER NATURE: Yes. of course. Earth Day is a wonderfully focused 24-hour wake-up call, But I take care of humans, plants, and animals 365 days a year. It’s past time for humans to show Mother some love. Not just for one day. But 24-7-365.
INT: Do you think humans get it?
MOTHER NATURE: I think they’re gonna get It. One way or the other
INT: Well, I can’t say you haven’t been warning people. Forest fires in California and Australia. Extreme hurricanes. You even froze the state of Texas. Humans just don’t appear to be paying attention. 
Mother Nature: I’m hopeful.We have to convince people to give Mother Nature some love and understanding. 
INT: Like what? Is there anything human can do that doesn’t involve math with their carbon footprint?
MOTHER NATURE:: Here are 21 surprisingly simple things people can to help save the planet! If you only do one different thing every week, the combined effort will help reverse climate change.

  1. Eat less meat. It’s considered one of the most significant things you can do to help the planet. If everyone (including you) ate ¼ less meat, we’d save over 80 million metric tons of greenhouse gas emissions a year. Greenhouse gasses are the main cause of climate change and global warming.
  2. Defrost naturally. Plan in advance. If you’re cooking something from the freezer, take it out with enough time for it to defrost naturally
  3. Keep tires properly inflated. Inflating tires to their proper pressure can improve mileage by up to 3.3 percent. Why waste gas (and money) when it’s so easy not toDrive sensibly. Speeding, rapid acceleration, and aggressive braking lowers your gas mileage 10-40%. And you never really get there that much faster.
  4. Plan and combine trips. Combining errands into one trip saves you time and money. Car pollution is one of the major causes of climate change.
  5. Drive less, walk more. There’s no traffic. And it’s better for your mind, body and the planet you call home. In a hurry, bike it
  6. Get a FREE home energy audit. Ask your power company how much energy (and money) you’re wasting. A few simple adjustments can save you 5-30% and significantly save energ.
  7. Buy energy-efficient appliances. They may cost more initially, but they will save you more over time.
  8. Adjust your thermostat and save. Adjust your thermostat to run 2 degrees lower in winter and 2 degrees higher in summer. You won’t notice the difference, but the Earth will!
  9. Install a programmable thermostat. “Smart” thermostats cost about $170 and, on average, will save you that same amount your first year. After that you will save money and energy for years to come
  10. Switch to LED lightbulbs. They use 75% less energy and last 25 times longer than incandescent lighting. Look for top-rated ENERGY Star related products.
  11. Switch off lights when you leave a room. Unless you’ll be gone less than 15 minutes, it’s better to turn lights off until you return.
  12. Turn off your ice maker. Hard to believe, but true, your ice maker increases your fridge’s energy consumption 12-20%. Go retro with an ice cube tray! Old -fashioned, but they do the job.
  13. Turn off your computer at night. Leaving your computer on at night always uses more electricity than turning it on when you return. You both could use a break!
  14. Don’t prewash dishes before loading your dishwasher. And skip the pre-rinse cycle. Dishwashers do the job they’re supposed to – saving time, money and energy.
  15. Take shorter showers. It saves water and the energy that heats it. And showers, if they’re not too long, are more environmentally friendly than baths.
  16. Wash clothes in cold water. It’s just as effective as using warm water. Almost 75% of the energy used to do a load of laundry comes from using warm water.
  17. Recycle your clothes. Think before you buy. Share clothing when you’re done The average American throws away almost 80 lbs. of clothes a year. Don’t be average! Manufacturing clothes puts a huge strain on the environment. Think before you buy–and share when you’re done.
  18. Reduce your reliance on bottled water. Bottled water is the worst of the plastic offenders. Over 38 billion plastic water bottles end up in the dump every year. Some take up to 1000 years to biodegrade. If you must use them, reuse them. Or switch to a personal thermos or bottle you can clean and reuse.
  19. Donate your time and money to Earth-friendly orgs.
  20. Support or join one of the many organizations supporting the fight against climate change.
  21. Get your kids involved in earth-friendly activities. Get your kids to perform earth-friendly activities like recycling, turning off lights when no one’s there, washing clothes in cold water, etc.

INT: Thank you, Mother Nature, You’ve been very thorough.
MOTHER NATURE: Always happy to do what I can save the planet.
INT: And what if it doesn’t work? What will you do?
MOTHER NATURE; You mean if Earth is so ravaged, the planet becomes inhabitable? I’m moving to Mars. It’s my Plan B. Do you know how I can contact Elon Musk.
INT: No, sorry. I thought there was no Plan B.
Mother Nature: No Plan B for humans. But I’ll do just fine. Say, what do you think of the name, Mother Mars? I kinda like it. 
INT: It’s catchy.
MOTHER NATURE: (To herself0 I wonder how I’ll look in red?
INT: Thanks for your time today. You do so much for the planet. Is there something humans can do for you?
MOTHER NATURE: Right now I’m looking for people to write poems to convince humans they need to change their lifestyle and adopt more Earth-friendly practices
And  I’ll have other jobs, too. Just tell people to email me at MotherNaturesGeeMail.com. I’ll get back to them. I’ve gotta go.
INT: Where to?
MOTHER: I’ve gotta blow out 4.5 billion candles on my birthday cake.
INT: Is that posible?
MOTHER NATURE: It is for me. I’ve got hurricanes, tornadoes. I might even use tsunamis.
INT: Speaking of poems, can you give our Readers one example of your poetry.
MOTHER NATURE: Sure. Here’s One:
It’s called:
The Ovens On
Scorching, burning, oven’s on
Planet’s cooking all day long
Mammals dying, birds are frying
Earth so sad you can hear it crying
Air and water full of pollution
Humans are the only solution
We need energy that’s renewable
Doing anything less is inexcusable

Clean up your room, humans,
Mother Nature

INT: Thanks Mother Nature.
MOTHER NATURE: Thank you. And if the planet implodes, don’t let the doors hit your way out.
INT: Your quite the kidder!
MOTHER NATURE: You’ve gotta be in my business. If you wanna help the planet, don’t forget to write to me at MotherNaturesGeeMail.Com

 

 

 

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