Hey, Readers, Welcome back. This may be our best musical blog ever.
STAN: Because you shut up for most of it?
JACK LOOKS AT STAN, FROWNS, BUT DECIDES TO IGNORE HIM.
It’s a beautiful video of musicians from all over the world playing a cover of The Grateful Dead’s “Ripple.” Some of the musicians are famous, some are not.
I wasn’t a Dead fan…..
STAN: I wish you were.
JACK LOOKS OVER IN STAN’S DIRECTION AND GLARES AT HIM. HE’S NOT REALLY ANGRY. BUT HE’S FAKING IT VERY WELL.
You can’t but help to fall in love with this song and video. It’s from Playing for Change, a multi-media movement created to inspire, connect. and bring peace to the world through music.
I got it from my friends at Elle Jay Entertainment.
With all the violence and hatred in the world, I thought this song and video might be a nice respite for my Readers. In the words of John Lennon…
So sit back, relax and watch a fitting tribute to The Grateful Dead.The world. And you.
STAN: OK. YOU CAN GO NOW, READERS! THERE’S NOTHING TO SEE HERE! THE BLOG’S OVER! SCRAM!
Jack: All right, all right, that’s enough. Now, say goodnight, Stan.
STAN: Goodnight, Stan.
Thanks for stopping by, Readers. If you liked what you read, well, in this case, heard, sign up for 10 Minutes of Brilliance on the top right of this post. You’ll get a notice every time we publish another blog.
That’s all for now. I’m outa here.
Hey Readers, Welcome Back. Today we’ll cover:
1. Close Encounters with Donald Trump and Pill Cosby
2. Bubble Wrap- An Obituary
3. When Running Shoe Designers Lost Their Freaking Mind
4. Back When I Won GQ’s Best Dressed Award
5. Summer Rerun: The 10 Rules for Being Human
6. Signs of the Times
7. Do me a Favor. Again.
But first, Readers, I owe you an apology. 10 Minutes of Brilliance hasn’t been as brilliant as it used to be. I’ve gotten away from my roots.
No, no, not those Roots.
I was talking about 10 Minutes of Brilliance’s roots. Lately, my blog has been dominated by that rascal STAN and not enough BRILLIANCE has shown through.
I want to return the blog to where we were and the best way to do that is to be fresh and provocative, reporting on things you just won’t hear about anywhere else.
Don’t worry. I’m not banishing STAN forever.
STAN: Good thing. “Cause I’d sue you a**.
That’s enough, STAN. (This may not be as easy as I thought.)
Anyway, today’s blog is brilliantly all over the place. Let’s get started.
It’s no secret I like to cover pop culture on my blog along with Marketing and Metaphysics.
STAN: It’s no secret because you won’t shut up about it.
Ignoring Stan and moving along, I’ve written about celebrities who’ve changed their names.
And in previous blogs, I’ve mentioned some of my Close Encounters with celebrities :
STAN: See Harriet, Goldman does need me. He still hasn’t told his Readers about meeting Trump and Cosby.
HARRIET: He will, Stan. Now lay low or you’ll be off the blog for good.
Where was I? Oh, Yeah, I haven’t told you yet about the day I met Donald Trump and Bill Cosby
But before I do that…
STAN: Here he goes….
Before I do that, I’d just like to express my outrage at how evil Bill Cosby is and how stupid and egotistical Trump is. There really aren’t words to describe the lives Bill Cosby has ruined. Over 40 women have claimed to have been abused by Bill Cosby. While he hasn’t admitted his guilt (maybe even to himself), in a a just released court document, Cosby has admitted plying women with prescription pills before he had sex with them. That’s about as close an admission of guilt as we’ll ever get from Bill Cosby.
Donald Trump’s comment on Mexican immigrants were disgraceful. I know someone who is close to Trump’s inner circle. He said Trump knew what he was claiming wasn’t true, but he went too far to back down now. So instead, he perpetuates the lies because it increased his popularity among fringe Republican voters.
Trump’s gone so far over the edge, I wouldn’t be surprised if his campaign was being sponsored by the Democratic party or the The United States Late Night Comics Association. They’d both love him to keep running his mouth.
Anyway, here’s the back story on how I met Trump and Bill Cosby the same day. Back in prehistoric times, 1990 to be exact, I was promoting the Miss USSR Beauty Pageant, the Soviet Union’s version of Miss America. I was hired by Global American TV who had worldwide rights to the pageant and my job was to travel up and down the east coast with the Russian Beauty Queen, 17-yearold Maria Kezha, and 19-year old Laume Zemzare, the runner-up and who also was crowned Miss Soviet TV.
If you’re like most provincial Americans, you probably think Russian beauty queens look like this:
In reality, they look more like this:
Oh, there is no need to feel sorry for me. Yes, I had to spend two weeks with the charming Miss USSR! It was a flirty, I mean dirty job, but someone had to do it.
Anyway, to make a long story even longer, two days before Maria and Lauma were to return to Russia, I got a call from People Magazine. They wanted to feature the beauty queens in the mag. “Could they follow us around the next day?” was the message left on my answering machine.
Great News, huh? Not really. We had nothing planned for the next day. No interviews. No MTV promos. We had don a ton of PR and had nothing left to do. Or so we thought.
The photographer from People suggested we recreate what we had already done but that seemed so “been there, done that.” So being the swift PR man I was, I somehow arranged for the us to meet Donald Trump in the morning for a photo op and go to Bill Cosby’s TV show taping that night.
Setting up both photo ops was easy. If I had wanted to borrow $1.00 from Donald Trump to save my grandmother’s life, it would have been a fool’s errand, an impossible task. But getting the lecherous and egotistical Mr. Trump to leer at 2 beautiful women in his office was a piece of Kate (pun intended).
There was a connection to Trump. He owned the Plaza Hotel and that’s where the girls were staying in NY. And their room was free, courtesy of Donald Trump. (Good thing they didn’t stay in Cosby’s hotel. There would have been quaaludes on the pillows.)
The two Russian beauty queens, Donald Trump, myself, and two members of the Elite Modelling Agency gathered in Trump’s office for a morning photo. The 5 of us had our arms wrapped each other. I was next to Trump. Putting my arms around my back, it landed on Trump’s wallet. “Sorry,” I said to The Don, “I didn’t mean to touch your wallet.”
“I’m not concerned, ” Trump said to me, frowning.
“Good,” I replied, “then let me know when you want it back.”
He frowned at again, and looked back to smile for the camera.
That night I arranged to get us tickets to the taping of Bill Cosby’s TV show. Maria, Laume and I had some pre-show snacks in the Green Room with Bill Cosby and Jane Curtain.
Before the taping, Cosby came back on set to warm up the audience. He introduced the Russian beauty queens who were sitting in the audience, then introduced me.
“Ladies and gentleman, please give a warm welcome to the Russian beauty queens. Maria Kazha and Lauma Zemzare. They are being accompanied tonight by their Jewish manager, Jack Goldenberg. Jack is the best Jewish manager 90% of your earnings can buy.”
It is with great sadness that I report the death of the global entertainer, Bubble Wrap. “His regularly spaced, air-filled hemispheres made of polymer plastic will no longer offer their signature Popping sound,” said family friend Popeye.
Bubble Wrap was conceived in 1957 by Alfred Fielding and Marc Chavannes, former partners at The Sealed Air Corporation. Fielding and Cgacannes hoped their invention would become a three-dimensional plastic wallpaper.
The inventors soon discovered no one really wanted a three-dimensional plastic wallpaper.
After Bubble Wrap failed miserably at his first job, he would have just popped into obscurity had he not found suitable work as a superior packing material.
While keeping his day job as packing material, Bubble Wrap soon rose to national prominence as an entertainer, thrilling millions with his distinctive “Pop. Pop. Popping sound.” People all over America, indeed the world, couldn’t wait to get a package delivered to their home or office just to hear Bubble Wrap deliver his classic “Pop.”
Bubble Wrap’s death came at the hands of a new product introduced by The Sealed Air Corporation. It is called iBubble Wrap. Instead of having individual chambers of air (hence the popping), the new product uses one interconnected pocket of air. Hence, no popping!
Funeral services for Bubble Wrap were led by Pop Francis and it was attended by many friends and relatives, including Saran Wrap, Panera Wrap, Hip Hop Rap, and his Mexican cousin, Taco Bell’s Chipotle Wrap.
Mourners included Snap Crackle and Pop, Pop Sickle, Soda Pop, Pop Corn, Pop Gunn and Pop Warner. “No one will ever duplicate his unique sound,” said one famous mourner. “It seems like yesterday he was here and now, POP!, he’s gone,” said Pop Gosa Weasel.
Even competitors at the funeral like Packing Peanuts and Tissue Paper shed a tear at the loss of their longtime friend, Bubble Wrap.
In a fitting tribute to Bubble Wrap, a distraught fan hurriedly wrote FRAGILE on the side of Bubble Wrap’s cardboard coffin.
I love reporting on brilliant successes, but you can learn a lot from failure, too. I should know. A blog I wrote, Goldenberg’s 10 Rules of Spectacular Failure, went viral reaching over 10,000 people in three days on the Internet.
While this post is much smaller in scope, here are some examples of where sneakers designers lost their freaking minds:
If you’ve been reading this blog or if you know me, you know I don’t like to brag.
STAN: And I’d like to sell you the Brooklyn Bridge. Again.
But I am kinda proud to have won GQ’s ” Best Dressed Award. It was quite an honor (or, for you Canadian and British Readers “an honour”). Here are a few shots they took when the award was announced.
1. You will receive a body.
You may like it or hate it, but it’s the only thing you are sure to keep for the rest of your life. So take care of it! You’re not getting another. (Unless your name is Ted Williams.)
2. You will learn lessons.
You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called “Life.” Each day in school, you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or hate them, but you have designed them as part of your curriculum.
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.
Growth is a process of experimentation, a series of trials, errors and occasional victories. The failed experiments are as much as a part of the process as the experiments that work. (This is a tough one for Jews and Catholics. The “No Guilt” hypothesis changes EVERYTHING.)
4. A lesson is repeated until learned.
Lessons will be repeated by you in various forms until you have learned them. Once you’ve learned them, you can go on to the next lesson. (It’s sort of like Angry Birds, but with a little more depth and many more skill challenges.)
5. Learning lessons does not end.
There is no part of life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned. (If you’re dead, well, school’s over.)
6. “There” is no better than “here.”
When your “there” has become “here,” you will simply obtain another “there” that will look better to you than “here.”
7. Others are only mirrors of you.
You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself. (OK, I don’t agree with this one.)
8. What you make of your life is up to you.
You have all the tools and resources you need to succeed. What you do with them is up to you.
9. The answers are inside you.
The answers to Life’s questions lie inside you. If you’re quiet, you can hear them. All you need to do is listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all this.
You can remember any time you wish.
NOTE: Bloggers often get credit for things they didn’t write, things they just found on the Internet. When I find something I think is brilliant and post it on my blog, I try to identify the original author. That’s not always possible. Sometimes, even when I do attribute something to another writer, my most ardent Readers still believe it came from me.
For instance, no matter how many times I post the Obituary for The Pillsbury Dough Boy, loyal fans like Bernie Stuart insist it came from me.
But to be clear, I did not originate 10 Rules for being Human. It was written by Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott in her book, If Life Is a Game, These Are the Rules. It can be purchase by clicking on the previous hyperlink.
NOTE TO MY FRIEND BERNIE STUART: As I told you before, while I did not write 10 Rules for Being Human, I did pen both the Magna Carta and To Kill A Mockingbird (the original).
As a Copywriter, Creative Director and someone you should hire soon (oh, did I say that out loud?), I appreciate great signage. he’s some I saw recently.
Recently, I asked you Readers for a favor — voting me for in a national marketing contest. You came through and I was one of the winners in The Rule Breaker Awards for breaking marketing rules. Thanks so much for your support! Sometime soon, I’ll be flying to New Orleans to pick up my award.
It should be quite an event. Deepak Chopra and Gen. Colin Powell are the keynote speakers. (I’ll let you know if I have any Close Encounters.)
The favor I’d like is simple, but I totally understand if you don’t want to do it. I’d like you to send the link to my blog (Boomers, copy the URL and paste it in an email.) to someone you think might appreciate it.
I currently have over 20,000 subscribers (despite that it says below I only have 11,000 subscribers–Mikey Y can you fix that?). I’d love to get another 20,000 Readers!
Thanks for joining us today.
I hope you liked today’s blog featuring a little less STAN and a little more the Man. If you did, let me know, If you didn’t, well, tell it to STAN.
STAN: Hi, everyone, I’m Jack Goldenberg. Welcome to my new blog.
HARRIET: Psst, Stan.
STAN: I hope you find today’s blog more interesting than the boring, stupid, childish drivel I usually write.
STAN: What is it, person I’ve never met before?
HARRIET: Of course, you’ve met me, Stan. And why are you calling yourself Jack?
STAN: Ha, ha, person whose name I do not know. Because I am Jack Goldenberg. And I’m premiering my new and improved blog, 10 Minutes of Brilliance. Personally, Harriet, or, whatever your name is, I wanted to call it 10 Minutes of Stan, but I was afraid that might give away who was behind it.
HARRIET: You think? Look, Stan, people who read this blog know you’re not Jack. You’re Stan, the imaginary guy on Jack’s blog. Jack writes everything you say.
STAN: Oh, I know why you have us confused. Jack and I look alike. We’re both very handsome. Well, Jack’s not. But I am. I ‘m taller,too, of course. He’s kinda short. And I think he smells bad.
HARRIET: I hate to point it out to you, STAN, but every time you talk, it says STAN on the side of the blog. See. My name’s there, too.
STAN: Oh, ah, I see. Say there, mysterious person who should be minding her own damn business, would you mind stepping off the blog with me for minute?
STAN AND HARRIET WALK OF THE BLOG. STAN PLEADS WITH HARRIET IN AN ANIMATED, BUT LOW WHISPER.
STAN: Jesus Christ, Harriet! Can’t you go along with me? Pretend I’m Jack?
HARRIET: But why, Stan, why the masquerade?
STAN: I’m tired of being the go-to imaginary character on Jack’s blog. I want to be free. I want to be me! Sorry, I think I was channeling Marlo Thomas.
Millennials who read the blog Google “Marlo Thomas.”
C’mon, Harriet. Can’t you just stick up for me this one time? Let me be the blog STAR of the moment.
HARRIET: Oh, OK, I suppose it’s all right. Yeah, I guess so. What topics are you gonna write about?
STAN: Topics? You mean, I have to have topics? I thought I’d just wing it. You know, sling some Scream of Consciousness BS like the Golden Boy does. It seems to be working for him. He has over 20,000 subscribers!
HARRIET: All right, sure, I’ll go along with you. As long as we don’t get caught. In fact, I know where Jack keeps some material he was gonna post online.
STAN: Gee, thanks, Harriet, you’re swell.
HARRIET: Who are you channeling now?
STAN: Not sure. I think it was Mickey Rooney.
Baby Boomers who read the blog Google “Mickey Rooney.” Guess they forgot.
HARRIET LOOKS THROUGH SOME FILES ON JACK’S DESK AND FINDS SOME NEW MATERIAL.
STAN: What’ve you got?
HARRIET: Oh, I found some cool stuff:
140 Things You’ve Never Known about Twitter
Information on a New Powdered Alcohol
Brilliant Canadian Billboards
And something about Jack winning some contest
STAN: Well, let’s get the show on the road before you-know-who shows up. First up, a post on Twitter
In honor of the 140-character limit on Twitter, here are 140 things you probably didn’t know about this world-famous microblogging service. Since that may be far too much information for anyone except a card carrying member of the Twitterati, I’ll just post 5 Twitter facts here. The other 135 Twitter trivia facts can be found on the link at the end of this post.
1. Twitter almost never happened. In 2006, there was a company called Odeo, which helped individuals publish audio. With a lack of growth and investors souring, the company decided to conduct a hackathon one day. This brainstorming competition led to the birth of Twitter.
(A hackathon is an event where computer programmers and others involved in software and hardware development, (including graphic designers, interface designers and project managers), collaborate intensively on software projects.)
2. This was Twitter’s first homepage. The site “opened for business” on July 15, 2006. It’d hard to believe it’s been around less than 10 years!
3. Twitter was created on a playground. Founding team member Dom Sagolla says the group went on the top of a slide at a playground in South Park, a small neighborhood in San Francisco, and Jack Dorsey discussed an “idea so simple that you don’t even think about it—you just write.” This moment of inspiration turned into a multi-billion-dollar company.
4. When Twitter began, everyone’s first tweet was automated. Co-founder Jack Dorsey (who will become Twitter CEO in one week on July 1) sent the first tweet—”Just setting up my twttrr”–beating Biz Stone, another co-founder, by a minute—on March 21, 2006, at 4:50 p.m. PT. That first tweet now has more than 50,000 retweets.
5. The user with the most followers is singer Katy Perry, She has a modest 67 million followers.
We’ve gotta move on, but if you’d like to read the rest of this story: click on this link: 140 Things You Don’t Know about Twitter
We return you now to our regular programming.
As a writer, I love to see brilliant writing. And if it’s funny,clever and makes you think about it, all the better.
One of my all-time favorite signs was just four words written on the wall of the men’s room at the Vince Lombardi Rest Stop on the New Jersey Turnpike. It was posted with an arrow pointing to the paper toilet seat dispenser. It said:
Another gem was on the back of a truck owned by the Sober Electronics Company from Baltimore, Maryland. The sign said:
STAN: Speaking of signs…How that for a segway, Harriet.
HARRIET: It’s not a segway if you don’t complete it!
STAN: Details! I’ll try again. Speaking of signs, here are some really cool Canadian billboards sent to Jack by his friend Steve Cline.
HARRIET: Is Steve from Canada?
STAN: No, Jack’s partner, Lesley Vender Welle and her friend, Gee, are Canadian. Anyway, here are those Canadian billboards.
HARRIET: Hey, were those were really Canadian billboards?
STAN: Shhh. I don’t want Readers to know. I lied. They were just some funny faux billboards dreamed up by a company called Dribbleglass.com .
HARRIET: I won’t tell. It’ll just be a secret between you me and Jack’s 40, 000 monthly visitors. Say, it’s a shame you don’t have some embarrassing photos of Jack to post on his blog.
STAN: Oh, but I do. Here’s one. Jack when he was Indiana Jones.
HARRIET: Stan, I was just kidding. Please, no more.
STAN: Just one more. Jack as a Mexican wrestler.
HARRIET: Put them away. Jack’ll kick us off the blog if he sees them.
STAN: He’ll NEVER see them. He’s busy preparing for a trip to New Orleans.
HARRIET: New Orleans? Did he win that contest? The one for marketers who break the rules?
STAN: Yes. But let’s get outta here fast. I think I just saw Goldberg pull into the blog parking lot?
HARRIET: This blog has a parking lot?
STAN: Yes, and a wet bar, gym and a tennis court. But we’ve gotta scram. That’s him at the door. Hurry.
STAN AND HARRIET HURRIEDLY LEAVE THE BLOG THROUGH THE BACK DOOR. (YES, OF COURSE THE BLOG HAS A BACK DOOR.)
Hey, Readers, sorry I’m late. I wanted to thank my many Readers who voted for me for in the Rule Breaker Awards. You really supported me and I was one of the winners! So, I’ll be going to New Orleans in July to pick up my trophy. I just hope I can fit it into my trophy room. It’s gettin’ kinda’ crowded.
My favorite part about winning a Rule Breaker Award is that there will be great guest speakers at the Conference: Deepak Chopra, Gen. Colin Powell and Matthew Weiner, creator of Mad Men. It would be pretty cool if I could interview any of them for my blog. But I doubt that’ll happen. Who knows? Stay tuned.
And that’s it for today, Readers, I don’t know why you’re so loyal, but I appreciate it. In fact, I appreciate it so much, I’m going to make an effort to make the blog more interesting and more informative. Of course, I may have to get rid of STAN. But you guys probably didn’t like him anyway.
I did want to give a shout out to my friend Bingo Wyer. Yes, that’s her real name. She’s the event planner for the stars. And she did an elegantly fabulous job for a star I am close to. If I get permission to tell you about it, I will. Until then, you can check out her work at her NY studio, Cote Fleurie Studio.
Thanks again for stopping by. I’ll write faster so you’ll stop by sooner.
NOTE: Trophies supplied by TJ’s Sportwide Trophy and Awards in Dover, NJ.
NOTE: Please ignore any mistakes or typos on my blog. It was sent from my rotary phone.
I would much rather help someone else out than ask for help. Nevertheless, I do need to ask a favor of my blog readers.
I’m a finalist in a contest called “The Rule Breaker Awards.” It’s an appropriate marketing award because anybody who knows me knows I do like to break rules. Or at least bend them a little.
The person who receives the most votes wins a bunch of cool prizes, including a trip to New Orleans. The problem is the contest judges want me to sing my praises online, tweet about it 24/7 and put up a billboard on Hollywood and Vine. I’m just not comfortable doing any of that.
Since this is the Rule Breaker Awards, I’m going to break their rule about self-promotion and refuse to show off with a verbal selfie. But I’d still like your vote!
If you decide to help me out, please go to their voting page:
Type my name, Jack Goldenberg, in the Search Box, then click Search Entries.
Then click the vote button. I’ve always hated these contests until now that I actually have a chance of winning one.
If you are receiving this and have no idea who the hell I am, my about.me page is at: https://about.me/jackgoldenberg
Thanks for considering this.